His wedding
by silvinkai
Summary: It is just tiva story. Tony is getting married. It is angsty.
1. Chapter 1

**It is just tiva one shot. I have got nothing to do, so I wrote this. I am sorry for my english, it is my second language. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS and saddly I am never going to have. **

**Enjoy story**

**His wedding**

I watch to him, as he is standing before altar. He is wearing simple black wedding suit with white rose in lapel. He is smiling and it isn't his well-known immature grin, its new nice loving smile and I would give everything for just one that smile. I would give everything, but it isn't enough. He is in love with her, not me. Since he met Maria, he changed, a lot. The childish joker changed into mature man and I can't help myself, but this change caused, that I fall in love with him more.

Life is not fair, and I know that, if it were, I'd be with him and not her. But I still hope that at least I can dream, that I can dream my hopeless dream of being with him. It always was like this and now it always will, forever. I will never get another chance. Even if it hurts like hell, I could never ruin his happiness. He deserves to be happy and if he can be happy with another woman, I will be happy for him.

I know that now I could never be really happy, but still I can try to be content with my own life. A lot of times I tried to move over, but I can't, I love him. And it is killing me, that I can't tell him that. He found his lucky and it is all that matter. One lonely tear left my eye and fall down to my cheek. Soon I start cry. No one, but Gibbs, noticed. It is not unusual to cry at wedding, so no one wonder, no one ask why. Gibbs know it, he is the only one, who knows that I am in love with Tony. I told him just few days ago. He accepted my choice to do nothing. He understood why I chose to let him be, because I love him and I always will.

Now it is after the wedding and everyone go to congratulations to newly married couple. As I stand before them, I can do nothing, than just whisper congratulations and run away. I am sitting outside at ground and I cry. Nothing matter anymore, my world is totally ruined. I just lost my reason to live. And it hurts. I thought, that I can handle this, that I can be happy for him. But I was wrong, I can't do this anymore. I am not as strong as I thought I am. I am broken.

Then suddenly someone came to me and hugs me. I know that it is Gibbs. He just silently holds me. We both know that it will not help, but at least something, than be all alone.

There is only one thing, that will help me, but it is never going to be happened. I don't believe to miracle anymore. Now I know the cruel reality, that not every love story has got happy end. But to the last moment I hope that my will have a fairy tale end. But my love story should never have got fairy tale end. His yes, but not mine. And I will must to learn to live with this. I will be happy for him. It will be my life. Only pretending, that there is nothing, that I feel nothing, forever.

**Was it good? Whas it bad? Please review. **


	2. Chapter 2 Tony's Pov

**Second charapter is up today. It is wedding from Tony's Pov. How did Tony feel? How did he meet Maria? Read and Review. Enjoy.**

_Tony's Pov_

It's my wedding day today and I am standing before altar. I am gonna marry Maria. I met her two years ago. That night I and Ziva were in bar, we just solved another case and than Maria appear. I told never anyone, but that night I wandet someone else. That night I wasn't looking for nobody, but my partner, Ziva. I remember that the case was really hard, three young marine's women were killed. I wanted to tell her that I love her, but her boyfriend came to visit her, so I ended all alone in bar. Maria came to me, we danced. For the begining I thought, that she is going to be just my another one night stand, but she wasn't. That night I realized, that I need something pernament. And today I am gonna marry her.

She is coming to me, dressed in long white dress, her blond hair are pull down. She is looking beauty. She is smiling, so I can't help myself and smile too. It is little bitter, that for long time I imagined, that if I ever going to marry, that by wife is going to be Ziva. But now, when I know, that I could never be with her, only one woman I ever trully love,I must try to be with one, who loves my and wish it is enough. After our vows and kiss, everyone is going to congratulation to us. Her family, my father, our friend and my family: Gibbs, Mcgee and Abby, Ducky. And than Ziva, I think, that she looks gorgerous in her light blue dress. She tryes to smile. She wispers something and than suddenly, she runs away. I want to go after her, but Maria grabs my hand and kisses me. We dance our first dance as married couple, but I think about Ziva. I can't realize, what is going on.

After few hours I apologize myself and go outside, I need some fresh air. Yes, I am happy, but so I know that there is something wrong, that I did something wrong. As I go outside, I see, someones stand there. For a first moment I don't know, who are they. But soon I recognize them. I can see Gibbs, who holds Ziva. Ziva is crying. I came towards them and ask:" Hey guys, what's wrong?" Gibbs quietly looks at Ziva and she answers:" No, Tony, there is nothing wrong. Don't worry, nothing will ruin your day." with this she turns away. I am really surpersive. She said that there is nothing, but I can say, that there something is, something big, so I have to ask:" Ziva, please tell me, what's going on. You know, that you can tell me everything, so please spill it out." Ziva turns back to me with much more tears on her cheeks. She has sadness in her eyes as she says:" No Tony, there is nothing, what I can say or what you can do. You already did enough. So please just go to your wife and be happy. It's what I want for you. Don't worry about myself. I am fine, I can take care about myself." Then she goes back to Gibbs and they both disappear in the darkness. For a while I just stand here, but than I decide, that I have togo back to my wife. I will talk to Zive, when I will come back to work.

**How it was? Good? Bad? Next charapter will be up tomorow. Please Review. Silva **


	3. Chapter 3

_Ziva's Pov_

Gibbs holds me and leads me to the car. I am totally broken. The conversation with Tony almost killed me. I almost told him how I feel about him. Just almost. I can't tell him that. He has got his own life, so I don't want to be the one, who will ruin his lucky. I am sitting in the car, as Gibbs asks: „ Ziver, what can I do for you?" I look at him and see, that he really cares. So I tell him:" I think that now you can't do anything, Gibbs. I have to deal with it on my own. I have a week till he comes back to work, so I have got a time. Now I honestly don't know, ehat to do, but I also know, what I can't do. I can't tell him. He seems happy, so please just drive me home." I told Gibbs, how I feel, but I didn't tell him whole truth. That I don't care about anything anymore. I've already lost everything, so. We are before my apartment and Gibbs helps me out of the car and leads me to my place. As we stand before the door, he kisses my forehead and goes out. As I fall into my bed, I start cry again. After almost threee hours i fall asleep.

_Ziva's dream_

I am standing in royal white dress before altar. I am gonna marry. I look to the man next to me and as I see his face, I feel lost. It is my former partner from Mossad, Malachi, he has got the sadness in his eyes, as I have. He is unhappy and I don't know why. As we have got rings on ours fingers we turn aroun. I can see, as my father smiles. It must be him, who organized this. Now I know, It is only bussiness. I and Malachi aren't in love, it is just bussiness. It is my father's plan. What hurts more is, as I see Gibbs smiling and shaking hand with my father. As I turn back to Malachi, he is hugging a woman. He introduce us. She names Liat tuvia and she is his Mossad partner and I think, that she is also his love. They both are really sad, but they don't blame myself. They're just sad. I can see McGee and Abby. And than he sudenlly appears. He is looking amazing in his white shirt and black jeans. I can't see any ring, he isn't married, but I am. He stops at me and starts yell at me:" How can you do it? How can you waste my love? Wasn't I good enough? Didn't we have enough? Weren't we happy together? Probably not. If I was good for you, than you didn't came here to marry him, only because your father told you told you to do this. You are selfish sob. You broke my heart." than he looks at me and adds quietly:"But despite everything you did or will do, I'll ever love you, Zi." Then he disappear and I wake up.

_Ziva's Pov_

I wake up crying. This week I wasn't alive. I was just surviving. I spent by crying most of days. Whole team tryes to help me. In Monday, Abby cames to my apartment and stayed with me all night. Next day Tim také me to the cinema. And yesterday, Gibbs came. But nothing can help me. Today, he comes back from hos honeymoon. I am scary. How willI react, when I will see him? So I am sitting at my desk and I am waiting. Abby is here with McGee and they both look at me every single minute, like I should change into onehorn or yetti. Gibbs is down and he waits for Tony. So I am just waiting.

_Gibbs's Pov_

As I am waiting to diNozzo I hink about last week. It was at least horrible. Ziva is broken. It's the worst. She cryes, a lot and she doesn't want to admit herself, but it is killing her. Her love to him will kill her. She is really in love with him. I thought, that she will never ever really over him and it's hurt me. Than I see DiNozzo, he is smiling, as always. We both step to the elevator and I just head slap him. He looks at me and asks:" Why? What did I do?" I look at him and say:" Rather don't ask DiNozzo and try to don't upset Ziva anymore. She is really hurt." He respons:" What happend her? Is she alright? Did anyone hurt her?" I can't help myself, but smile. He asks if anyone hurt her and it is him, who hurt her. So I just say:" Don't care DiNozzo, this isn't your bussiness. Just try to don't upset her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Next charapter is up. Tony comes byck to work and something happends to Ziva. Read, enjoy and review**

_Tony's Pov_

I am really confused. What the hell is going on? I just come back to work from my honeymoon and Gibbs is already head-slapping me. If I know, the last time, I saw Gibbs, I behaved. Or at least I tried to behave. I remembered, how I spoke with Ziva. She was really upset and I can't remember when I saw her cry, till that night. I know, that it has something or everything with me, buřt I can't realize what. And now, Gibbs just told me, that I should rather don't push on her and let her be. But this is exactly what I cannot do. Yes I am married to Maria, who is really good, but I think, that she isn't perfect. I can't help myself, but I care about Ziva and I am scared, that something could happend to her or hurt her. i know I shouldn't but I feel something about Ziva. Something more than just friendship. But It seem, that it doesn't matter anymore. I am married to another woman and we can be just friends, nothing more.

As I and Gibbs step out of the elevator, I can see all members of team, even Abby. Abby runs to me and hugs me. I am glad, that I see her again. I really missed her. She is like sister to me. Then I say hello to Mcgee and then I look to her. i can say, that she is nervous. But still I think, that she look amazing. No it's wrong, she looks really hot and sexy. "Hey DiNozzo, You're married man and Ziva is your partner, so you can't think about her like that." I think, but it doesn't change how she can affect me. All I can do, is only give her a small nod and sit at my desk. Abby who knows, what is going on with Ziva, says: " Hey Tony, How was your honeymoon? And can you tell us, where were you?" Oh, I almost forget, that I didn't tell them where I was. I couldn't tell them it, because honestly, I didn't want to go there to honeymoon. But now, I have to answer:"It was great, Abby. The city was full of colours, but I like it more in January, but in June it was nice too. And I bought gifts for everyone." I say and hope that Abby wouldn't notice that I didn't answer her question. But she notices:"Yeah Tony, it's great, but where were you?" I take a deep breath and whisper: "In Paris." with this word I look at Ziva. She is blushing. Oh no, what did I do. Gibbs told me to not hurt her.

_Ziva's Pov_

Oh, Tony is back and I think, that he is more handsome than before. I am glad that he is here, but I am also hurt, that he was on honeymoon in Paris. I hoped, that it will be just our city. But it isn't, not more. My mind go back to Paris, to the evening, we spent on Eiffel tower and to the night in hotel room. That night. I sigh. It was so perfect, but it is gone. And I have to be okay with it. He gives present to everyone, Abby got a t-shirt with Eiffel tower on it, McGee got a white mug with: PROBIE LOVES PARIS, Gibbs got a pocket of French coffee and then me. He gives me a small gift and says:" For you, I thought you will like it." and then he goes back to his desk. I slowly open the gift and I see a gold heart necklace with two hearts and _C'est la vie_ on it. It is perfect. And he gave it to me. A one tear left my eye and fall down on my cheek. I stand up and go to the lady's room.

It is evening now and I am sitting at my desk as Tony comes to me. I didn't know. that he is still here. I think that he is already at home with his wife. But he isn't, he is here and asks me:" Hey Ziva, do you want to come to my place? All team comes, we will have a party. So if you want to come..." For a first moment I want to say yes, but then I realize, that there will be his wife too and I know, that I couldn't handle it. So I answer:" I sorry Tony, but I have something this night." I can't help myself but I add:" I have a really hot date tonight, so excuse me, but I can't come." He disappear with only: "Okay" and I go to the elevator and realize, that I need to go out tonight. I need to met some guy and stay with him, just for tonight.

As I come to my apartment, I dressed a little black dress and black heels, pulled down my hair, and get some mascara. Then I went to the closest bar and danced with few guy, drank few drinks and then went out with nice guy, who's name I already forgot. And at 3 o'clock went back to my apartment. And in the morning, I went to the work. And so it was for a month. But now, I am really exhausted. Every night, different man. Month without good sleep, without any fun. Just drinks, sex and sorrow in the morning. But it didn't help. I still have a mind full of Tony. But also I can't stop my night run. If I thought month ago, that I am broken, I was wrong, I am broken now. I'm addicted to alcohol, men, and only thoughts about him. And I can't tell it anyone.

**Next charapter will be up tomorow. Please review.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Next charapter is up.****Ziva's and Tony's Pov. So enjoy this story and review. **

_Ziva's Pov_

Time went and I realized, that I have to do something with myself. I thought about it really long time. But now, I have it. I need to have something, what is worth to live. Something pernament. Something, what will be like him, but he wouldn't know, that it is his. I didn't tell this anyone, but I went here, so I stand here and I am waiting. He spoke about it a years ago, when McGee was suspect of murder a cop. I checked it and now I am here, in sperm bank. I realize, that it's the only possibility, how can I handle with everything. I need a part of him to be in my life, to be my life. I am scared, but I am also happy. I will have him in my life, even he wouldn't know this. A little girl or boy who will be mine. Who will remind her or his father to me forever. And it's all I want, to not forget him.

_Five months later_

I look down to my still small, but visible, pregnancy belly. Everyone knows, that I am pregnant, so I must be on desk duty. I cannot regret my choice, because I am already in love with this child. I don't want to know the gender. Everyone asks me, who is the father? And I cannot answer. This morning, Abby asked me again. I told her, that I know, who is the father, but I cannot tell him this. That he has got his own life and I cannot ruin it. Then she asked, if it's Tony's. I told her:"Abby Tony would never ever cheat his wife, he is good person, so forget it." Abby said nothing, so I left her and now I am sitting at my table all alone. Others are in field. But they will be back soon.

_Tony's Pov_

Ziva is pregnant. I have got a mind full of this. She doesn't want to tell us, who is the father and I am worried, what if she doesn't know it. But she look really happy about this baby, so I think, that she must know the father. I only hope, that he is a good guy. When I asked her about the father, she just told me, that it is none of my business. But Ziva's pregnancy isn't only one thing what's going on. I am not living anymore with Maria. We are going to divorce. She told me, that I am not in love with her, because I was rather in work than home with her. I have to agree. I am not happy with her, I like her but I didn't love her. I have in mind other woman, who is pregnant with other's man.

And she is obviously avoiding me. I understand her in this point. She had to have a feelings for me, because she was really hurt. But now it seems like she is over, because she is having a child with someone else.I come to the office and I see her. She is sitting at her desk and looking at her belly. All I wanted to do right now, is go to her and hug her and tell her, that I love her. But I cannot. So I just sit at my desk and stare at her.

_Later this day_

I am sitting at my apartment, watching an old episode of Magnum, when someone knocks on my door. I stand up and open the door. And I am really surprised, that I see Ziva. She is standing before my door in only jeans and t-shirt. Her hair are wet and curly. She is crying. So I catch her hand and led her to the bathroom. I give her a towel and say her :"I take a shower and then come to me. I will make some hot chocolate. Is it okay?" she only nods and I go back to the kitchen. As I prepare hot chocholate I can hear how she turn off the water. So I put the hot chocholate to the table and sit on the couch. She joins me in the minute and I hug her. "Zi, What's happened? Please tell me what can I do for you?" I ask. She looks to my eyes and says:" No Tony, I cannot tell you this, you're married to Maria. I can't ruin your marriage." I kiss her on cheek as I say:" No Zi, you can tell me everything. I am going to divorce. I am not living with Maria anymore." She looks at me in amazement."What?" she says. "I am gonna divorce. I don't love Maria."

She takes a deep breath and says:" So then I must tell you something about this baby." She pauses and continues:" You are the father Tony, I will understand, if you don't want to have anything with this baby, but if you decide for be a part of his or hers life, I will be happy. I was in sperm bank, so I am sure thats your baby. I love you Tony and it hurt like hell when you were married." I am speechless. I am father of this baby, of her baby. I am angry. She says, that she loves me, so why wasn't to able to say it sooner? Why now? What the hell she expect? That I will marry her. I would like to do that but I cannot. She hurts me, a lot. So I have to say:" Hey Zi, What the hell you expect?" she starts cry again as she says:" Honestly Tony, I don't know." I stand up and put my coat on as I say:" I don't know too. I need be alone right now. You can stay here. I'll see you at work." Then I disappear.

_Ziva's Pov_

Oh no, what did I do? I shouldn't tell him this. I hurt him, but his reaction hurt me more. He left me all alone in his apartment. I cry. I am pregnant with his child and he seems like he doesn't want to have anything with this baby. I am alone with my child. Nothing matter anymore. I lost him again.

**Next charapter will be posted tomorow, at least I hope. Silva.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Next charapter is up! I wrote this with my friend. ****I will explain everything at the end. So enjoy it.**

Tony woke up and heard himself screams Ziva's name. He looked around and saw that he was lying in his bed with Maria. He was really confused. So carefully , he got up and put on the first clothes that he found and walked out. It was just a dream, he thought, nothing was real. I live with Maria and Ziva is not pregnant and not at all with my child. After a few minutes of walking he reached the park and sat on the bench. Only now he looks at his watch and he founds out that it's only two o'clock in the morning and it's raining. It's raining heavily, he remembered that last time ,that it was raining like that, when Kate died. Immediately he starts to feel anxiety, did something happend to Ziva? he thought. He had a terrible urge to get up and go to check on Ziva, but he did not. What would he say to her? Well Ziva I woke up after a very strange dream, so I said that I'll go check you.. Not it sounds stupid and I do not have to say it. So he sits on the bench and and he was thinking about everything. After a while he saw someone running toward him. Se was wearing a hood, so he could not see her face, but it seemed to him that he knows this person . He recognized those moves, the figure and insanely fast pace. Then he shouted: "Ziva, is that you?"

The woman stopped under a street light, and she removed her hood. "Tony," she asked with a smile. "What are you doing here at this hour?" she said incredulously. Tony stand up and came closer to her. In the light of the street lamp he could see that she cried Her faces had remnants of make-up. She had to have a date with someone, he thought, but it had to be long time ago. Something must happened her and he does not know what. It had to be something big, because whitch a normal person who would otherwise be running around town at two in the morning. "Hey Ziva, what happened, what are you doing here?" he said, ignoring her question.

"I asked first" she said with did not want to answer ,because she is embarrassed to tell him, that she had a dream about him."Uhhh, No ..." he paused, but he continued: "Well, I had a strange dream and I needed a walk." Oh dammit, he thought, I should not say this. Offense is the best defense, he realizes as he says:"Well, enough about me. What are you doing here? It is not normal that someone is running at two in the morning in the city." with these words he gently grabbed her hand and looked into her eyes. "Well, I ... I also had a bad dream," and smiled weakly. "Do you want to talk about it" she asked when they began to walk slowly in the park. It was still raining heavily and it was cold, drops of water running down in her was wearing only a thin sweatshirt and so she was shaking a little.

Tony noticed that Ziva is cold and took off his jacket and handed it to her, saying, "Put this on Ziva, you're cold. I do not want you to freeze." He gently draped his jacket over her shoulders and pushed her wet strand of hair from her forehead. „No Tony, I am really fine." she said. Tony ignored her, and put his jacket on her's shoulders once again. They walked in silence for a while down the street when they reached the hotel, they both well remembered. Tony smiled and pulled Ziva closer. Everything seemed so simple and so natural with her. He felt really happy that he could hold her, that he could be near to her. He remembered the dream that he dreamt tonight. He considered separately on one part. O Maria. Ziva felt his warmth beside him, his scent from the jacket. She almost forgot about the nightmare that her dreamt seemed. She felt safe, but grew sad as she realized that it will not last long.

Tony noticed so froze and so he asked her: "Zi, are you okay? Want to go inside?" Then he gently pulled away from her, give her some space. "No Tony I ... I'd probably have to go look is half past three in the morning" she said, and gave him a small fake smile. "Thanks Tony, I had a really good time." Tony frowned slightly when he heard, that Ziva wants to leave. She did not look too tired, so he tried to ask: "But Zi, come on please. Just one drink and you can tell me what was your dream." He smiled at her with his typical DiNozzo's smile and he hopes, that she would agree.

Ziva thought for a moment and then he answered. "Okay, Tony, but only if you tell me what was your dream. And If you're paying." Tony nods and they went to the bar and sat in one box. Tony ordered a martini for himself and tequila for Ziva. Ziva stared at Tony, so he started talking about what he had dreamed. "Well Ziva, the dream was not even very important ... Actually, it was nothing." Tony tried to avoid real answers so he asked: "And now you, Ziva." "Well ..." Ziva slowly began: "It was a nightmare, and you died" she said softly, her tears began to flow slowly down her cheeks. She sipped her drink and said, "Now you! Told me his dream. Now it's your turn. I agreed only under the condition that you tell me your dream." Ziva teased him.

Tony paused a moment. She dreamed about him. Strictly speaking, it was a nightmare. It is possible that she cried because she dreamed that he was dying? Tony felt puzzled for a moment, but then it all started to make sense. Ziva's behavior at his wedding, as everyone protect her, why she ran at night in DC. Everything started to make sense. She meant it in Paris when she told him that she loved him. She did not say it just because she was drunk, but because she really loves him. She loves him and he is married yet. He understood why they behave as they behave, he hurt her, he hurt her so much, and now I must make amends. Now I have to be honest and he said: "Well Ziva, I dreamed of you, but it was a very confused dream. I dreamed that you are pregnant and you did not tell anyone who the father is. I am divorced with Mary and then once you came to me and told me that I was the father of the child and then I just went out and just did not tell you anything. "as Tony had finished, one lonely tear began to flow through his face.

"You dreamed about me that I'm pregnant? Only you can have such dreams." she said with a smile. "But you're happy with Mary, are'nt you you?" she asked, wanting to know if you should continue to pretend or not. It hurt her terribly to hear and see Tony when he talks about his dream. She did all she could do to keep from crying again. She felt that tequila is starting to work. Tony was aware that she was serious, but he was not sure if he can give her a serious answer. So he'd rather say: "You'd better not laugh with me. Again Only you can have a dream in which I'm dying. That you want me so much to get rid, Zi? Well ... And with Mary, I'm not sure what to do. Right now I am more than confused. I do not know what to do. I do not want to hurt anyone more than I hurt until now, but I do not know. "How tony spoke, the waiter brought more drinks.

"I want you to be happy Tony, Maria really is a great woman, and now you should be with her." she said. She's just very badly managed to say. It hurt because she wanted to be with Tony. In her voice was felt sadness and anxiety. When Tony heard the anxiety with which she said it, his heart stopped for a moment. She voluntarily waives her lucky, while everyone can see how much it hurts her. So Tony replied, "No Zi, I do not know if I want to be with her. Somehow, I do not know what I saw on her. But I do not want to hurt her, I do not want to hurt anyone Zi, believe me, please believe me. He gently grabbed her hand and pulled her closer. "Tony but this one hurt many people and especially yourself, come back to Maria, she will be afraid of you. She pulled her hand gently and slowly, she very much wanted to be with him, and she loved him but she can not destroy their lives." I'd probably have to go the tequila starts to act and we should probably go to bed. "she said softly with a sigh.

Tony realized that depending on how the answers, so will have life. And never for a moment contemplated and said: "Okay Zi, we go to sleep. Come on." he grabbed her hand and led her to the reception. He bought one room and led her into it. She just gasp in amazement, when she realized, that they are going to share a bed. And she was amazed even more when she realized that he laid her on the bed and then he lay next to her and hugged her. "Good night Zi, I am here with you, you won't have another nightmare, I promise you this." He whispered to her and kissed her on her forehead. She could only whisper:" I know Tony, I know. Thank you." Then they fall asleep in each other's arms.

**Yes, the previous chapter was just Tony's dream. Tony is still living with Maria, At least until now :). Continuation will be soon, maybe even today, but no promises. Silva.**

**Ps.: My friends name is Karolína. It was mostly her idea, because she did not like the last chapter. She talked to me for so long until she persuaded me. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Next charapter is up :)**

_Ziva's Pov_

I opened my eyes, the sun was shining in my face, I first saw a white wall, it was a pleasant warmth, I felt so safe and so comfortable but something was wrong ...  
Something was wrong, something that should not be. I moved to the edge of the bed and I pulled away from the man who held me in her sleep in his arms. Ah what have I done, I can not destroy their lives, I was wearing clothes I had yesterday, I grabbed a pen and paper and wrote a few lines to Tony and headed to the reception.

I need to clear my head, this is what must never be repeated, I must not succumb to it, not more. I need some time to think about what to do, what to do next. What the hell have I just thought of it yesterday, but it was so natural, so good. What could I do next? I asked myself.

_Tony's Pov_

When Tony woke up in the morning, he realized, that Ziva isn't here anymore. He could feel her still warm side of bed., she must leave just a moment before he woke. He was really sad. He knows, that it wasn't good idea to share a bed with her, but he thought, that it was the most comfortable way for them. He looked sround and he saw, that there is a paper on her pillow. He took it and realized, that it's a letter, whitch she left there to him. The only one thing, she left it there to him. He took letter and started to read:

_Dear Tony,_

_As I woke up I realized, that what happened here, shouldn't happen, so I left. I have to thank you for holding me tonight, you were right, I didn't have any nightmara. But even i felt safe and happy. This cannot repeat. So please, go back to Maria and forgot, that all of it happened. You deserve to be happy, even you aren't with me. You deserve something more, than just me, because I am mess, I am just someone broken, who doesn't deserve to be happy. You deserve to have a happy life with Maria, to have a lot of little DiNozzos running around you, you and Maria. And I will be happy, if I will can be their Aunty Ziva, who will babysitting them, when their parents would want to go out. So Tony, please, forgot this night and you'll be happy. If you care about me, so please go back to your wife, because I wouldn't survive, if it will be me, who will ruin your life, your happiness. I wouldn't to came to work next week, I need time to thinking, but I can promise you, that when I will come back, I will pretend, that nothing happend. So you do it as me. You will heve your life with Maria and I will can love you forever, even noone will know this. I love you Tony, but my love to you means nothing by now. It doesn't matter. So be hapépy and I will be content ahnd happy for you. C'est la vie, Tony. You rather could hate me, than love me. It will be better and you'll be happier. _

_ Your Crazy ninja chick _

_PS.: Don't try to find be, I need to be alone. _

As Tony finished the letter, he started to cry. He doesn't know what to do. So he just sits there and cry.

_Ziva's Pov_

I needed time to think, I can not just go to the office and do that nothing happens, I took my cell phone and dialed the number ...

Ziva: Hi Gibbs

Gibbs: Hi Ziver, what happend?

Ziva: I just Gibbs ... I just want to take a few days off. I need to make time to clear my head ...

Gibbs: Ziva, what happened? And do not say it's nothing.

Ziva: Gibbs It is nothing seriously .. nothing ... I just want some time to think

Gibbs: Something with Dinozzo?

Ziva: Gibbs seriously nothing happened, can you give me a few days off?

Gibbs: So something with DiNozzo. Did he hurt you somehow? If so then I will head-slapping him to death.

Ziva: No not really, I just want a little time, look just in case you can call me at this number but just you.  
Gibbs: Ziva, you can be a trained spy, but you can not lie to me. Tell me what's going on.

Ziva: Well, I just realized a few things ... I spoke last night with Tony, and I do not want to make them go wrong with Mary, I want to think about what I'll do then, and how it will do everything to be back at the old ways.  
I'll be back on Friday Gibbs

Gibbs: Ok Ziver, take care about yourself.

Ziva: Gibbs, please do not tell others anything I do not want to get worried about me, say that I am sick or something ...

Gibbs: Ok Ziva, I'll try.

Ziva then hung up. What should I do? I drive for almost a hour in Washington, suddenly I remember to one place, we were there with the team in one case. It was just outside DC and the case was solved pretty quickly. There was a beautiful beach and the sea. Really this place was probably the most beautiful ever seen. We stayed there a while. It was the day before met Maria. We laughed and all of we were happy. I remember how Tony threw sand. After a while I jumped on him, we fell into the sand and we were lying there for a moment, then the great wave came and swept over us. We were both wet, but we laughed. I Gibbs and McGee laughed. McGee even took a picture of us. I still have that picture in my desk in the office.

I headed to the motel. It was the only building in the area. We stayed here last time, too. I remember how Tony complained that he was to be in a room with McGee. All day he spoke to me, and eventually, I let him sleep in my room. McGee and Gibbs thinks that he slept on the couch, but he did not. It was the last night when we shared a bed, until now. I cannot get Tony out of my mind. I don't know what to do. I need time, but something is telling me, that I do not get it. And I guess, that it has got something with Tony. Everything has something with Tony in my life. But I am happy for it, or at least content.

**I am looking forward next episode of NCIS, but it's a pity, taht I will can see it tomorow. :( I make no promises about next charapter, but it will go up soon. :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm sorry it took so long, but I really did not have time. Enjoy!**

_Tony's Pov_

After about ten minutes of crying he realize that this does not work, so I put her letter in his pocket. What do I do next? Tony asked himself. I do not know if I should live with Mary. What if she is not the right one? I do not know if I'm still in love with her. Everything has changed since I got married.

I should live the happiest time in my life, but instead, I'm crying.

I want to be with Ziva but I had hurt her too much. Wait! I want to be with Ziva?

I should go home, I was out all night Marie is certainly afraid.

I slowly creeping to the front door to my apartment, the key is in the lock now only rotate but I do not want to. Why I can not open the door and walk into my apartment? As would be there for me no one expected but there is my wife why I do not go to her? I walk into the hallway, there's a silence, Maria probably still asleep I think... I take off my coat and go through the apartment, then I'll go to the bedroom. I wish that Ziva was in bed so I could kiss her on the forehead and bring her breakfast and tell her how much I love her. Again! I am married to Mary, not Ziva, Maria. I should be looking forward to see there Maria, not Ziva. I Slightly open the door but to my surprise the bed is empty and Maria is nowhere, nowhere in my apartment. After a few minutes I hear the rattle of keys in the door.

I go out of the bedroom and see how Maria just walks in the door. "Maria where have you been?" I ask her, I hope she didn't look for me, oh God I hurt another woman, who loves me, I think. Now I do not know how I'm wrong. I did not do anything to hurt her, but she did.

Tony: Hello Maria.

Maria: He...Hello Tony._Maria stammered, because she did not expect that she will see Tony there._

Tony: Where were you Maria? _At that moment he saw her make-up, she had a blood-red lipstick and dramatic eye shadow. _Why are you so dressed up? _At that moment he knew that she was definitely not looking for him._

Maria: I... I've been out Tony and where were you?

Tony: My colleague needed help._ Tony did not lie in this, Ziva needed help._ But what about your make-up, Maria?

Maria: Well I... I was looking for you Tony. _She was looking for another excuse._

Tony: Sure Marie, and where were you looking for me? In a bar, on the street? Explain your make- up, your mussed hair, swollen lips in. .. smell the cologne.

Maria: What are you saying Tony? When I woke up You were gone so I went out. And your perfume? You were with some bitch?

Tony: Oh yeah, You were looking for me, but you found some other guy, right? And my perfume, I told my colleague needed help.

Maria: Oh, and what kind of help? _She moved closer with a threatening tone and intersected her arms._ Get you to bed?

Tony: What? How do you dare? _Tony shouted, actually, she was right. But no, he would never ..._ She was broken. She needed a friend.

Maria: How do you dare yell at me like that? I was not the one who disappeared in the night out of the house.

Tony: Ziva needed help. I had to leave quickly. But what about you? you were looking for me? You're probably were looking for some guy in a bar? Or on the street? Or you went to a friend? Please, I'm not blind.

Maria: So she called Ziva, it's the bitch from your work? _Marie is still avoiding answers._ And where I was it is not your business

Tony: Ziva isn't a bitch. And where were you isn't my business? You are still my wife in case you forgot.

Maria: I was with friend, just like you.

Tony: Like me? So I do not get it. Because you obviously think I slept with Ziva, but it is not true. So how have you been with a friend?

Maria: Maybe if you were a little bit interested in me as your wife more than a girl from work I will be at home with you!

Tony: More interested in? What would you like? Would you like me to send flowers to your work? We have been through this one phase. So what is the name of your friend with whom you slept while I was not home? Or is there more friends?

Maria: Perhaps, that my friend brought me some. _Marie said provocatively._

Tony: Yeah? So please tell me how long have you been sleeping with him?

Maria: And how long are you sleeping with her?

Tony: I'm not sleeping with Ziva!

Maria: I believe you. It was a mistake to marry you, I should be with Patrick and not throw away my life with you.

Tony: I speak the truth! I did not sleep with Ziva! not tonight. Never before. We are just colleagues, nothing more. She is nothing to me. _This is a lie, she means everything to me, but Maria doesn't need to know._

Maria: I do not believe you. I mean nothing to you!

Tony: When I lied you, Maria? I was always honest, you've slept with some Patrick, not me.

Maria: I do not believe you! Who knows how many women You have slept behind my back, I am well aware that you are player, anyone last you more than a few weeks, I'm record.

Tony: Yeah sure you are record, you're my first wife who cheated on me. That's right. Why Maria? Why? What was better than me?

Maria: Maybe he loves me?

Tony: You had no right to cheat me. How many times was it?

Maria: I was with him just a week after our honeymoon Tony are you happy?! You still have thoughts elsewhere, and he ... he is in love with me and I love him! You were just one big mistake.

Tony: A week after the honeymoon? What did I do to you, Maria?

Maria: You did nothing and this is the problem. You did not care. He did. You had a full head of your bitch, Ziva. Probably today was not the first time you slept with her, right? I want a divorce!

Tony: Ziva not bitch and I never slept with her. And well, if I want a divorce, I am okay with it.

Maria: Whatever. I'm leaving.

She walked out the door and Tony sighed. My whole life is upside down. Maria cheated on me with some Patrick.

**Reviews make me happy.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Next chapter is up, sorry it took too long. I was in Bulgaria, so I didn't have a time to write. I wrote it again with Kája, so Enjoy and review! :D**

Tony was supposed to be at work. What happened this morning was not enough, he still gets a slap from Gibbs. He got into his car and he drove as quickly as possible in order to get to work as soon as possible. The whole way he thought of nothing else but Ziva.

Tony could not wait to see her, to explain it all to her, he wanted to hug her as soon as possible and tell her he made a a terrible wanted to see again her eyes shining and her beautiful smile. When he arrived in front of the reception building of NCIS, he was unable to find her car in the parking lot. Where is Ziva? She is never , elevator bell chimed and Tony stepped inside. In Office there was McGee waiting for him. McGee was upset that Tony was late.

Tony went straight to McGee.

**Tony:** Where is Ziva, Probie?

**McGee:** Tony, you are late. Gibbs was there and he is quite furious

**Tony:** Where is Ziva? What? Wait, Gibbs is already here? What time is it?

**McGee:** It's half past eight, Tony. _McGee tried as much as possible to avoid to answer Tony's question about Ziva. He had direct orders from Gibbs._

**Tony:** I do not care about time! Where is Ziva? _Tony was really nervous._

**McGee:** Where were you?

**Tony:** I wasn't at home tonight, but you don't have to care.

**McGee**: You look like you have a hangover. What did you do yesterday?

**Tony:** Why there is not our little ninja, Probie?

**McGee:** Well... She...

**Tony:** What Mcgee? What did happen? _Tony asked with fear._

**McGee:** She has flu. She took a day off.

**Tony:** She look fine tonight. That is weird. _Tony said and realized that Mcgee is staring at him with open mouth._

**McGee:** So... You two were together last night? So now it's clear, why were Gibbs so upset.

**Tony:** This is why Gibbs is upset? I thought that he was upset because I was late.

**McGee:** Tony, do not you think that it's a bit overboard, Look, you're married a few months and you do this? Did you ever consider that with this suffers as Maria as well as Ziva? _McGee said, raising his voice._

**Tony:** What? No, it's not like you think!

**McGee:** So What exactly were you doing?

**Tony:** I could not sleep, so I went out and I met Ziva, so we went to bar. And then...

**McGee:** It is enough! Are you normal DiNozzo? You don't know how your actions hurts Ziva? And what about Maria? She is still your wife in case you forgot. _McGee yell at Tony._

**Tony: **Don't talk about Maria. We broke out this morning.

**McGee:** What? You two broke out? What happened?

**Tony:** When I came home she was not there and then she came dressed like a whore from Patrick. What I should I do when she blamed me that I slept with Ziva.

**Abby:** You slept with Ziva? Abby appeared at the office, with weird look.

**Tony: **No ... What? Well yeah ... No it's not what you think it is.

**Abby: **Tony, how could you do it? You do not know what she went through? You do not know how all this hurt her! Tony hell, you broke her heart, you don't get it? _Abby yelled and stood beside McGee. _And now you are looking for her? She wants to forget to you, so leave her!

**Tony:** What? She wants to forget at me?

**Abby:** Tony you two were inseparable, you were like Romeo and Juliet, Jing and Yang, just as soul mates but you're married ... the the ... Everything went wrong, we all noticed even Gibbs. You've got a blank look, you almost never do not go out with us, we are happy only when you greet us and Ziva ... Ziva is sad. You do not noticed? She tries to forget what was between you two so that she could live her own life. _Abby yelled _And you just sleept with her!

What did you think? You reminded her everything!

**McGee: **Abby, Abby, Calm down everyone is watching. He said, trying to calm her down

**Abby:** Let me be Time!

**Abby:** Tony, you have to realize it. You were not with her at the hospital! You do not even know that she sings! You missed everything! You missed so much ... You just ... _Abby running out of words._

**Tony:** I did not sleep with her, not the way ...! Wait she was in the hospital?_ He paused._

**McGee:** She didn't tell you?

**Tony: **No, she didn't... _Tony said quietly_

**McGee:** It was just one day after your wedding .._ McGee began slowly_

**Tony: **What did happen, Tim?

**McGee:** We was at weapon carrier at a military base and Ziva... She didn't have a partner, who would had her backs. So one bad guy came to her from back and he shot her. She catched two bullet, one in her arm and the second in hers hip. She almost bled out. She stayed three days at hospital and then she was at home. She came back to work just day before you came back from your honeymoon. Even when Gibbs didn't like it, she said that she wants everything back in normal. Doctor said that she was very lucky, just few inch in right and she would be dead. She told us, no she ordered us to tell you nothing. We thought that she wanted to tell you by herself.

**Tony: **She was shot because I weren't there... _Tony sigh_

**McGee:** We were only three, I think she was not really focused.

**Tony: **Why did she tell me nothing?

**Abby:** You know Tony, Ziva care about you to make you happy. To you could finally live happily with Maria.

**Tony: **I do not get it. You say that I was hurting her and she lets me live a happy life? But why? Why does she care? She should not have to worry …

**Abby:** You have not changed Tony .. _Abby said angrily _You are still a immature child, who just cares about the others women.

**McGee:** You don't know that she cares about you? You are blind! _McGee said and sat down at his desk as Abby walked away. _

_Tony just sat at his desk and he were thinking about nothing and everything._

_**The end.**_

_**Next chapter should be up next week. I promise! **_


	10. Chapter 10

**Next****chapter****. ****This****chapter****is****only****about****Ziva****. ****Enjoy****! :****D**

Ziva's Pov

Ziva was at beach again. The sky was blue, nearly cloudless. The sand was nice, but still not warm enough to sit on it. So Ziva sat on an old fallen tree trunk that sun bleached the color of ivory. From the forest that was behind her, pleasant scent wafted. Smell reminded her childhood, when she was with Tali and Ari in the woods and they played games there. She looked out to sea and gasped in amazement. She always loved the sea. She remembered the summers she spent at Aunt Nettie on the beach. At that time the sea was clear blue, and when the man went away, the sea began to hide behind the haze of warm air. Today, however, the sea was gray and as if it mirrored her feelings, pain, loneliness and unimportance. But through it all, she stared into the wave as she did when she was little. She was enjoying the view of sea, when somebody crossed her sight. The person was well known for Ziva. She knows him her whole life, he was the first who held her, when she born. Somebody who loved her, but also hurt her so much. But no matter what happend, she still loves him. How couldn't she? There are people in everybody's life, who come and disappear, but there are also people who are stuck in your life now matter what happens, or what they did. You love them and nothing can ever change that.

This man hurt Ziva a lot, but Ziva stood up and ran to him. As she got to him, she hugged him and cried:"Abba, Abba what are you doing here? I missed you." A lonely tear was running down at Ziva's cheek. The elder man kissed her on the forehead and on her cheeks and said:" Oh, Ziva, Tatelah, I am so glad, that I met you here. I was just planing to go to DC. What are you doing here?" Ziva looked down and sighed:" Oh so much happened Abba." She almost whispered. He took her hand and said quietly to her:" C'mon Ziva, go to the motel and we will talk, good? Then they both started to move towards to the motel.

Ziva sat down next to her father and just silently stare at him. He still didn't explain what he was doing here in USA. He was just to starting to speak, when a phone rang. He said:" Sorry Ziva, I have to answer to this." And then he went to the bathroom. Ziva looked around the room and she was surprised, because she didn't see anything what would he took with him, if he would be on the work meeting, no expensive suits, no weapons, even no laptop. The room was roomy but sparsely furnished. A simple wooden furniture, a small television and a door leading to the bathroom. The room looked just like hers. Nothing too modern, not too old, the golden mean. Then suddenly an old ninja skills woke up in her. She ran to wardrobe and opened it. There were just few simple clothes, trousers, shirts even one pair of jeans. It wasn't what her father would took with him, if he was on the bussiness trip. Is there... Is there any chance that he is here, because he wants to see her? She thought.

Meanwhile in the bathroom

Eli David: Yes, Yes I met her already.

Other person: You were already in DC?

Eli David: No I wasn't. She was sitting on the beach near the motel I am staying.

Other person: What did she do there?

Eli David: I have no idea, but I am planning to find out it.

Other person: You better are. I hope, that nobody hurt her, but if somebody did, then before you go and kill him, try to find whole truth. Ziva is known for being little...

Eli David: Okay, okay I understand. But right now, I have to go to her, because she looks really hurt.

Other person: Rather do not hurt her anymore! Shalom  
Eli David: Shalom, boss.

Eli David hung up and sighed. How can she be such a leader? He is her father, not she. With this thought he came back to ziva. She was sitting on the couch and when he sat next to her she started: " Why are you here?" He looked straight to her eyes as he answered:" I am here to see you, my Ziva." She just shook her head ." No it cannot be truth." He gently put his hand to her thigh and said:" Ziva, please believe me. I am here to see you. I missed you so much. I am here to spend some time with you. You are my daughter and I care about you." Now Ziva definitely knows, that he is lying. "You're lying! You have some business here and I am just cover up. You don't care about me. You never did. You always care just about Israel, not about me! So please, be honest for the first time with me and tell me what task do you have here? If you say it now, it won't be so hurting. But maybe it is what you want. You want to hurt me, just like everyone else. Everyone wants to hurt me and even if they say, that they care about me, they don't. She cried. The tears were now running from her eyes. She was broken, just like Eli David's heart. For the first time he saw, how much he hurt his daughter. And his heart broke to the million pieces. For the first time he saw, that he cannot play games with her anymore. She needs the truth and fort the first time, he is going to give her that. "Ziva, I have no business here. I am here to see you." With this words he hugged her. She whispered: No I don't believe you. You have to have some business here." He put the finger on her chin and he lifted her head. So she had to look him in the eyes. "I quit with Mossad, Ziva." She looked at him in amazement. " You did what?"

**Please****review****, ****I****really****want****to****know****, ****if****you****liked****it****. ****Silva****.**

**PS****: ****I****don****'****t****know****when****next****chapter****will****be****up****. ****I****f****you****will****review****, ****it****will****be****sonner****. :****D**


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